God's Perfect Knowledge of Me
Trust in the Lord, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass.
He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
And your justice as the noonday.
Psalm 37: 3-6
O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
Psalm 139: 1-4
I had a run-in with a neighbor with whom I serve on my neighborhood’s HOA board the other evening a couple of weeks ago. Now I like to think of myself as fairly nice and friendly; I’m also a people pleaser and peacemaker. I’d rather crawl on glass and squeeze lemon juice on the cuts before I’d upset or purposely offend someone, but I upset this woman by sharing, somewhat under duress, why I was not going to run again for the HOA board (because of her bossiness and strong personality, though I did not say the bossiness part. I did say that I wish there was a little bit more grace and openness when we talked about issues so that all voices and opinions could be heard, and that each meeting filled me with such dread because of the strong personalities and conflict). I could tell by her body language the rest of the meeting that I’d upset her, and I apologized for doing so when I walked her to the door when the meeting was over. She didn’t accept my apology and left quite upset. In chatting with two of the other women on the board, I was assured that what I had said was not ugly, and had I not said anything, they would have, and their way of saying it would not have been as diplomatic as mine had been. I still felt horrible for having upset someone, and my heart hurt. Right, wrong, or indifferent, I didn’t feel that I represented Christ in my actions, and I wondered how I could rectify the situation. Others in our neighborhood had experienced similar interactions with her in the past, and she was not one to forget each one who had crossed her. And now I was on her you-know-what list.
I prayed about the situation and asked for guidance on what I should do. As I am wont to do, I also thought of various methods to communicate my apologies to her, and played out each possible response she could have to each medium and message. Knowing how she has been with others in the past gave me keen insight as to how she would most likely respond. In talking with others, I did not see how any scenario could end well. The whole thing weighed heavily on my heart and mind, consuming more emotional energy that I truly wanted to devote to it.
As I started my morning one day last week before sitting down to pray, I played out a scenario in my mind in which I tried to talk with her, dialoging both sides of the conversation, again to no avail. I gave up in frustration, and read that day’s devotional in Jesus Calling. I’m sharing the first couple of sentences that stopped me in my tracks: “Trust Me enough to let things happen without striving to predict or control them….When you project yourself into the future, rehearsing what you will do or say, you are seeking to be self-sufficient: to be adequate without My help. This is a subtle sin—so common that it usually slips by unnoticed.”
The Lord, in His infinite wisdom, slated that devotional content to be printed for that particular day, because He knew that I needed to read it, because I was doing that very thing. I don’t know what the future held, but here I was trying to be prepared for it. Though I’d asked Him what to do, I was not sure that my heart would have been 100% open to going over and talking to her if He had instructed me to do so (hey, I’m just being honest. I’m not perfect). I knew, however, that I needed His help to determine what my next steps would be, and I was confident that He would provide. I merely needed to let go of any preconceived notions I had and give to Him the burden. I started that morning. God be praised for His omniscience and commitment to maturing me.
Prayer Requests
· For our pastors Ray, Wayne, and George, for their sacrifices of time, and for April, Jody, and Pat, for their sacrifices as well
· For those who are struggling to make ends meet and are overwhelmed by their life’s circumstances
· For first responders and their families
· For us to continually seek His will for our lives
There is a Part Two of this whole situation, and unless He tells me otherwise, I’m going to share it with you next week. Next week’s devotional will come out a little later than normal as I will be out of town next weekend, returning next Monday evening.
Quotes
“Even as a Christian, you’ll have good days and you’ll have really hard days. But you’ll never have a day without God.”
“The enemy is not after your money or your stuff. He wants your mind…your attitude….your heart…your faith….your peace. Understand that you’re not being attacked over the tangible things in your life. The enemy is fighting over things you can’t see.”