Wretched Man That I Am!
“If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
1 John 1: 8-9
“For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.”
Romans 7:22-25
I was a cat person for a very long time. I grew up with cats, and didn’t have a dog until I was in high school when we got Brandy, a sheltie. She was my mom’s dog, though she went totally crazy when my dad would get home. When I was younger, I’d always pretended I had a German Shepherd dog named Duke, and he’d protect me and be my best friend.
My boys grew up with cats, and we’ve had our two cats, Hobbes and Cracker Jack, for 13 years now. They have brought happiness and admittedly at times frustration (when Hobbes decided to poop on the floor instead of the litter box) and we’ve enjoyed being cat owners. Excuse me—people don’t own cats; they work for them. We’ve enjoyed being cat servants.
About six or seven years ago, my older son Greg found a stray terrier named Oreo whose owner didn’t seem concerned that she was lost, so Greg got to keep her. Oh, how wonderful it is to have a granddog! We learned so much about dogs, and I was smitten. Every so often I would look at dogs on rescue websites and wonder what it would be like; rescue dog videos showed up on my Facebook feed (now I’m seeing the connection between my searches and Facebook—oh, Mark Zuckerberg!), a former co-worker posted pictures of her foster dogs and I was more than smitten. A chance encounter with a dog rescue foster mom at PetSmart last year who had a German Shepherd rescue dog had me reaching out to see if he was available for adoption. Much to my chagrin, he was not. And then I saw the sad face of another German Shepherd mix on the SNIPSA site, and I was done. I’d found my dream dog. Her name was Mayflower, and the site said she was two years old. Her expression (to me) was one of sadness, and I knew I had to do whatever it took to banish that expression. I contacted SNIPSA who then connected me to her foster mom, and we arranged a meeting at her house the Saturday after Thanksgiving. She was shy but sweet; her tail wagged a bit as she got closer to me. I sat on the floor, and she buried her head against my chest. Again, I was done—there was no doubt in my mind that she was my dog, and I was her mom. She liked my husband as well, so we came back the next day to get her, after hitting PetSmart to buy supplies like it was Christmas.
I changed her name to Tessa, and she has commandeered her way into my heart, vying with my cats for sole custody. The forlorn expression she had in her rescue picture has transformed into a happy grin, replete with a wagging tale and wiggling bum. She is sweetness and gentleness in animal form.
So, it was in horrific shock the other day that I saw her make a beeline at 4:30 in the morning to the dark corner of our backyard as we’d started our morning routine of her going in the backyard to potty while I fed the cats, started coffee, and listened to my flash briefing on Alexa. The backdoor motion sensor light flashed on and I saw her seize an animal with her mouth and rapidly shake her head back and forth, essentially breaking its neck. I stood there in horror, incredulous at what I was watching, yelling at her to let it go but hoping that she wouldn’t let it go too closely to me for fear it would still be alive and jump on me. My sweet Tessa, with the chocolate brown eyes, soft wet nose that nuzzles my arm…the one who wiggles with joy when it’s been two minutes since she last saw me and kisses (licks) my knees… that Tessa has now reverted to her true undomesticated nature: vermin killer. She killed a possum—I’m just thankful it wasn’t a mama one with babies attached to it—I think I would just cry myself into a puddle of tears at that sight. I coaxed her inside, the possum maybe 50 feet away from me with its dead eyes open, seemingly looking at me. Tessa then sauntered into the living room, content to play with her stuffed animal Monkey, biting into him with glee to make him squeak. I watched her in stunned silence, seeing her a bit differently now that I’d viewed a glimmer of a new and admittedly unappealing side to her. She was still the same Tessa but she was now a bit different, if that makes sense. Her true nature was underneath the surface of canine domestication, with its scritches, stuffed toys, and belly rubs.
Friends, we too have a true nature that almost all of us as believers strive to keep hidden from the view of others. Despite the ongoing process of sanctification—the work that the Holy Spirit does in us to mature and strengthen our spiritual maturity, turning us away from sin and towards the image of Christ in His righteousness—we are all works in progress, and still live in our worldly flesh. We all struggle with less-than-pure thoughts, impulses, reactions, and other things that being living creatures this side of Heaven struggle with. We can all be quick to speak and slow to listen; we can all fall prey to the enemy’s attacks which create conflict, or unhealthy competition, or erroneous and faulty judgment of another. Although we are called to be on guard for the enemy’s attacks, and to wear our spiritual armor, there are times our humanness inhibits our reflexes and defenses. I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve walked right into the trap the enemy built specifically for me, blindfolds and shackles dulling my ability to see it for what it is, while I stewed in jealousy, frustration, anger, or other emotion.
I’m tremendously thankful however, that I am no longer a slave to sin. Jesus ransomed me at Calvary with His sacrifice—He exchanged His perfect sinless life for mine, and received God’s Holy justice and wrath in return. Because of His sacrifice, I am set free from slavery to sin and death, the wages of that sin.
Years and years ago I sought marriage counseling (alone) during my first marriage and I went to a Christian counseling services who allowed clients to pay on a sliding scale based on their ability to pay. Although I’d grown up in the church, I had fallen away and wasn’t a practicing believer. I was given scripture verses to read and think on, none of which come to mind, except one that resonated with me at first read:
“For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me….. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.” (Romans 7: 19-20; 22-25)
Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord indeed!
Prayer Requests
Prayers for:
Rocio Farias, who has COVID, and for protection for the Farias family
Those with family members who are struggling with addiction, and for those with addictions
The Church to preach the gospel message throughout the world
Us to seek to discern His will for our individual and corporate lives
My friends, if you read this devotional and your curiosity is piqued by its words, I pray that you open yourself up to the nudging of the Holy Spirit. If you’d like to know more about what Jesus did for you, and why He did it, please reach out to Pastor Wayne or a member of Session. We’d all love to answer your questions and pray for you to know Him.
Quotes
“Many books can inform you. There’s only one book that can transform you.”
“Every saint has a past; every sinner, a future.”
“How great is it to live under a sky that is repainted every day by the greatest artist.”